I’m hoping that this week is a time of starting a-fresh. Not necessarily forgetting, because I never want to forget my beautiful Nana and gorgeous Gran-Nan, but I need to get up and get back to the normal, mundane life. It’s funny how when something crazy like this happens, you wish so much for that boring life you had before. I will think twice before wishing for excitement within my life, and will make my wishes more specific because the last 2-3 weeks have been more than enough for this year.
Not only have these major events occurred, but my sister got major food poisoning on the day she was supposed to visit for my brother’s birthday, and my cousin was almost in a major car accident – if it hadn’t been for her swerving at the right moment, she probably would have been killed or at least severely injured.
I just need some “time out” from life right now – it’s all becoming so overwhelming – and while I know it’s difficult to not dwell on the rotten things that happen in life, sometimes you need to pay some attention to the shit that happens around you, because it makes appreciating those wonderful things that little bit easier. You never know what you’ve got till it’s gone, that kind of thing.
I thank the Gods for my family, my friends, and in some cases complete strangers who supported us though the events of the last couple of weeks. The energy field of love and support is so strong that I can literally feel it. Thank you.
Late night rambles, but you know – that’s what this site is for.
Sorry for the lack of recent updates – this whole week has been on a completely different track to the last few years so my mind’s a little fucked up.
Work has been kicking my ass lately. I’m getting sick of the fact that my boss doesn’t give two rat’s testicles about his employees. For example, when I left on Friday (because, you know, my GRANDMOTHER DIED), the first thing he asked our payroll lady was a) how long was I going to be away for, and b) what are my leave entitlements in relation to my grandmother passing away. What a fuckwit! How fucking insensitive can you be?!
Then my Dad has a heart attack on Sunday (which I’ll give you an update on in a sec, because that’s a post in it’s own right), I called on Monday (day of the funeral) to say that Dad has had a “massive” (the doctor’s words, not mine) heart attack and I’m not sure of how he’s going right now, and whether I’d be in on Tuesday. He said, “That’s fine, see you tomorrow” and hung up. FUCKWIT.
So anyway, I’m getting myself wound up. Dad went into hospital, as per last post, on Sunday 15th May. He had a stent put in his heart and was in the Intensive Care Unit for a couple of days, before they moved him to a regular ward since he no longer needed the ICU treatment. He was running a bit of a fever on the Wednesday, and obviously this means his body is fighting infection somewhere, so they put him on a drip with some antibiotics.
Well, of course his body is reacting differently at the moment, and he had a severe allergic reaction to the antibiotics, going into anaphylactic shock. He was on the phone to my Mum at the time and said, “Gosh, I don’t feel so good at the moment” – he was shaking all over and couldn’t control it. Mum told him to buzz the nurse, which he did three times before yelling out for help (all the while my Mum’s on the phone listening to all of this – can you imagine how you’d feel? I’d be sick..). They gave him a shot of adrenaline and then a steroid shot to balance everything out. He was fine after that but his muscles were all weak and he felt like he’d run a marathon.
He came home on Friday 20th, and it was so good to have him home. I said the whole time that he’d probably heal better being at home, getting rest, being in his own clothes (rather than the hospital gowns!) and in familiar surrounds. He’s still having a hard time getting around without being completely exhausted – just a walk from the lounge to the kitchen is an effort – but he’s on the road to recovery.
Thanks for all your support, guys – it means a lot to receive messages from around the world with notes of support and well-wishes, sometimes from people you don’t even know and definitely from people who didn’t/don’t know my Nana or my father. The online community, with its few exceptions (there are always a few exceptions!) is a wonderful thing to be a part of.
After my Nana passed away on Friday, I didn’t think anything could get much worse.
This afternoon, my dad had a heart attack.
Thankfully, it wasn’t fatal, but he had to go to the local ER, and then to the General Hospital about an hour away. They did an angiogram and then had to put a stent in his heart to stop the clotting. He went off to hospital around 3:30, and we only just got home from the hospital about 40 minutes ago (11:40pm).
He’s doing well, just a bit light-headed and he is on monitors and everything at the Hospital. Otherwise in good spirits – he’s coherent and was joking about with the nurses. He’ll be there for the next few days, meaning he’ll miss my Nana’s funeral tomorrow afternoon.
Let’s hope things don’t happen in threes in this instance.
I’ve been watching a lot of YouTube videos and reading blogs about fashion (mostly Dulce Candy‘s) and it’s got me thinking about my own personal style.
While most of the time I wear t-shirts and jeans, I do like to get dressed up once in a while. And while I think I look really awesome (without being egotistical, I think I look pretty), as soon as I leave the house I feel self-conscious, awkward, fat and, sometimes, miserable. It’s often tempting to turn my ass around and go change.
Case in point: my birthday outfit. I bought a really cute dress with an empire waist, white on top, thick black belt and black bottom. It came to just above my knees and when I tried it on I loved it. It suits my body shape, and with the right underwear smoothes out my lumps and bumps.
As soon as I got to the restaurant for dinner, I feel so self-conscious I just wanted to crawl inside myself and die. And I HATE feeling like that when I, honestly, look really nice. Feeling awkward is my biggest deal, I think – I don’t normally wear heels or dresses/skirts, so when I do I don’t feel ‘right’. But I enjoy wearing them and feeling feminine!
Anyone else had this same dilemma? And what would you call your personal style?
To answer my own question, I would call mine ‘neat casual’ – I’m never grotty (unless I’m just bumming around the house, of course), I will never leave the house in trackpants unless its just to go to my parents’ house or something – but I don’t really ever get dressed up, as such.
