I once had a theory that you never know your true self, because we all act differently around different people. I can be ‘myself’ around work colleagues, then another version of ‘myself’ around clients, another around family, etc. I felt that the only time that you are your true self is being by yourself.

But, as I’ve grown, I’ve realised that the differences in ‘myself’ amongst different people are slowly transforming and merging into the one. Of course, around strangers (clients at work, etc.) I’m more polite and swear less, but I never pull any punches, I’m always honest.

Being myself is becoming easier as I grow older – I’m letting go of biases that I grew up with, letting go of stigma and expectations. For example, everyone expected us to have a baby within months of getting married – two years later, we’re still without children, and that’s being true to myself because I knew for the last two years we couldn’t afford to have a child.

I’m geeky, quirky, generally happy, overweight, unfit, life-loving – and I embrace everything that I am.

*wow, talk about tangents*

I’m going to combine Days 8 and 9 together because I just don’t think I can blab on about stuff that makes me sad and walk away from it feeling very positive And, there’s not a whole lot that makes me sad – there’s more things that make me angry or frustrated than sad. So here goes:

Things that make me sad
Animal abuse.
Child abuse.
People against free will or basic human rights.
Money.
Mess (although I am admittedly a messy person, which frustrates the hell out of me).
Pain.

Things that make me happy
My husband.
My pets.
My family.
My house.
Driving!
Feeling secure and safe.
Being able to express myself freely.
Being openly Pagan and my family and friends being totally cool with it.
Games.
Computers <3
Art and design.
Cleanliness – not just in the basic sense, but when things look and feel clean.

Lame post, next one will be better

Currently, our bathroom… well, sucks:

As you can probably see, there’s not much there. This is the current floorplan:

Yup, just a shower and vanity. Not really that great for a three bedroom house where there’s technically room for a family to live, not just a couple. We obviously have a toilet (that’s out the back, in the laundry) but we would like LOVE one inside, in the actual bathroom.

So, we’re looking at the possibility of knocking out that ridiculous wall in the middle of the room and installing the following layout:

Pretty snazzy, eh? I want everything white or off-white/cream, including tiles, so that it looks as big as possible. That also leaves me the ability to accessorise with colour (and change it up as the mood hits me). Across the bath/shower, I want a simple pane of tempered shower glass, so nothing gets in the way, and I think it’s best with glass as you can see right through it and it keeps your line of vision going right through to the far wall, rather than stopping at, say, a curtain.

We’ll also keep the existing toilet in the laundry because, even I have to admit, it is handy particularly if we’re out in the garden or having a barbeque – it’s easy to duck in, pee, and come back out again without trudging dirt through the house. We will replace that toilet though, with a newer nicer one.

Whadda reckon?!

As it turned out, I ended up taking my husband’s surname but I sometimes wonder if it would even matter that much – any subsequent children of the marriage will take hubby’s surname (which I have nothing against), and so there’d be little to be confused or worried about. I do sometimes wish I’d stuck with my maiden name, however most of the time I don’t even think about it.

This got me thinking about women who do hyphenate their names.

Say John Smith married Jane Jones, and Jane decides to hyphenate her name to Jones-Smith. Fine, fair enough.

But do the children then take on the name of their father (Smith) or do they take on their mother’s hyphenated name (Jones-Smith). The latter case worries me a little, because when a male child grows up, they’re then passing on their father’s and mother’s surname on to both their new wife (assuming she takes on his name at all) and possibly their children will then take on the same name. This then gives three generations with a hyphenated surname.

I’m probably looking too much into it, but it’s kind of a personal annoyance of mine – if you decide to hyphenate your name when you marry, that’s your decision, but in the majority of cases (other in those where the child is a product of rape or if the father doesn’t want to be involved in its life, for example) I do think that children should take on their father’s surname. It just makes things… easier in the long term.

What are your thoughts?

In August and September, I was helping to prepare, organise and enjoy the Australian Wiccan Conference – we had an absolute ball. It was an amazing energy with incredible people that I’ll never forget. Considering it was my first large gathering, included my first large ritual (ie more than 5-6 people) and my first national gathering, it was a real eye-opener for me, and a really emotional, spiritual experience. Loved every minute of it. The energy was just awesome.

So most weekends in August and the start of September was taken up with preparing decorations and small items for the Conference. I loved every minute of helping to organise the event and would do it again in a heartbeat.

My parents left for Europe on Saturday just been and it’s been really quite strange without them around already (it’s only been 4 days out of a 3-week trip!). I’m trying to keep an eye on my brother after last time without being too overbearing. I know that was over two years ago but I’m still not sure if he’s grown up much since then.

Unfortunately, at 2:00am Monday morning, Michael received a phone call that his Grandma had passed away. 2011 has not been a good year for us in terms of loss – I’ve lost more people close to me in the last 6 months than most people do in 5+ years. We’re not sure when the funeral will be, most likely next Monday or Tuesday, but that will mean a trip to Adelaide for Michael – we can’t both afford to go so just him and his sister will be attending.

So really, it’s been a hectic couple of months, hence my only posting now. Hopefully life will get back on track a little more and we can live some normalcy for a while. I’m trying to get in touch with myself again, spiritually. Finding it difficult to focus with everything going on but will try my best.

How? The film introduced me to what was, for me, a foreign concept – Witchcraft – and while I was only about 10 or 11 at the time I saw this film, I was urged to find out more. Of course it started out with me wanting to be like the girls in the film, changing my eye colour or hair style just through spells, but the more research I did, the more I found out about Witchcraft and, in turn, I found there was a whole religion called Wicca. This was where my journey into Paganism began, and as I got older and discovered more and more, I felt like I was home. There was a huge wave of calm wash over me, I’d found my calling, I’d found my place, and (as much as I hate to use the term) I’d found my label. When people asked me what religion I was, I could answer them without hesitation.

I am Pagan, and my journey started just through watching a simple (somewhat cheesy) film.

There’ve been other films that have have profound effects on my life – The Shawshank Redemption, Shutter Island, Mississippi Burning. But I think The Craft is the one that has changed me.

Mentally: My attitude. I turn into a righteous bitch at the best of times, and I really need to get that out of my system. I’m not a teenager or a child any more, I’m a grown woman with responsibilities and I need to quit it with my childish attitude. It doesn’t help that occasionally Michael or family will treat me like a child (you treat me like a child, I’ll act like one), but I’m not blaming them at all – ultimately it’s my behaviour and I’m the one who has to change that.

So yeah, that’ll do

If people shared their money equally around the world – particularly those who have more than enough money to cover the essentials – no-one would go hungry. Yet we have people dying simply for the fact that they cannot afford food, cannot afford to produce food and cannot afford health care.

I don’t really think I can say much more than that. It makes sense to me that if the world’s wealth was shared around, no-one would be in the crisis that some people in African and Asian countries are right now.

The only thing missing from my life right now is having a baby, and I don’t think that’s a dream of mine, that’s just something I’d like to do. It would definitely change my life, but not in the sense of enlightenment or anything.

So I think I’m going to completely cop-out on this question and not answer it, simply because my life is pretty darn good right now

I honestly don’t know what my reason for being here is. I know that I have so many opportunities in my life, both in the past and in the future, but I really cannot say why I think I’m here. My life’s purpose has not yet become evident to me.

I see myself as a very spiritual person, very Aquarian in that respect (and yes, I am actually Aquarian too!), and I’ve been told I have an old soul; I’ve shown maturity and knowledge beyond my years. My friend Mel, when discussing what witch’s tool would you say you are, said she saw me as a Book of Shadows – full of knowledge and reference. For me, this means I’ve lived before. Say what you will about reincarnation, but I am certain that it exists and I’m at least into my second round (I have bizarre deja vu from time to time – so accurate that it is sometimes scary). It’s been proven that energy never dies, so where does our spirit go (assuming that our spirit is energy) when we take our last breath?

So being that I’m at least into my second round, I wonder if this lifetime is about me learning. About learning things to pass on to my next life. If anything, I think that’s what it’s about.