Tag Archives: death & loss

Whoops

Sorry for being MIA for so long. I actually completely forgot about the whole blogging thing in amongst everything that I’ve had going on.

In August and September, I was helping to prepare, organise and enjoy the Australian Wiccan Conference – we had an absolute ball. It was an amazing energy with incredible people that I’ll never forget. Considering it was my first large gathering, included my first large ritual (ie more than 5-6 people) and my first national gathering, it was a real eye-opener for me, and a really emotional, spiritual experience. Loved every minute of it. The energy was just awesome.

So most weekends in August and the start of September was taken up with preparing decorations and small items for the Conference. I loved every minute of helping to organise the event and would do it again in a heartbeat.

My parents left for Europe on Saturday just been and it’s been really quite strange without them around already (it’s only been 4 days out of a 3-week trip!). I’m trying to keep an eye on my brother after last time without being too overbearing. I know that was over two years ago but I’m still not sure if he’s grown up much since then.

Unfortunately, at 2:00am Monday morning, Michael received a phone call that his Grandma had passed away. 2011 has not been a good year for us in terms of loss – I’ve lost more people close to me in the last 6 months than most people do in 5+ years. We’re not sure when the funeral will be, most likely next Monday or Tuesday, but that will mean a trip to Adelaide for Michael – we can’t both afford to go so just him and his sister will be attending.

So really, it’s been a hectic couple of months, hence my only posting now. Hopefully life will get back on track a little more and we can live some normalcy for a while. I’m trying to get in touch with myself again, spiritually. Finding it difficult to focus with everything going on but will try my best.

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Preaching to me…

… is like asking a dog to make you a cup of tea. Not going to happen.

I’ve held off writing this post for sometime (almost a month) because I didn’t want to cause any tension. But, I figured it’s my blog, my opinions and I’ll say what I like.

I’ll preface this, though, by saying I have absolutely no issue with people’s religious and/or spiritual beliefs. I figure you should be able to do/believe/think what you want, as long as you’re not hurting anyone (including yourself). This goes for atheists/agnostics too. So please don’t take this personally if you’re a religious person – unless you’re someone who is doing this sort of thing on a daily basis. What’s “this”, you may ask? Here goes…

So my Nana’s funeral was almost a month ago, on the 16th May. I obviously attended, along with my family. The funeral was held at an Anglican church and, my Nana and her immediate family being Anglican, this made sense. I had no issue being in the church, as it was a reflection of my Nana and her wishes. Fine.

However, my Uncle, who is a minister and travels the world ‘spreading the gospel’, got up and said a few words about Nana and all that, etc. But then proceeded into a full-on preach session to the whole congregation, who were there to mourn the loss and celebrate the life of my Nana, not to be preached at. He went on about how he had Jesus and God in his head but not in his heart, until he went to to the Vietnam war and found Jesus there, and went on about if we don’t have Jesus in our hearts, then we should definitely turn to Him and embrace Him. Furthermore, he offered little cards full of information on how to accept Jesus into your life following the funeral.

W. T. F.

Firstly, I don’t like being preached to. This behaviour infuriates me. Fair enough, believe what you want to believe, but don’t shove your beliefs down my throat. I like to think I have a pretty solid foundation of my own ethical, moral and religious beliefs, and I don’t need someone else telling me how to think.

Secondly, this was not the time to be preaching to people – this was my Nana’s (his MOTHER’S) funeral, not a Sunday church congregation. I found it highly disrespectful to be using the lectern at a funeral as a podium for preaching the gospel, even if my Nana was a religious person.

Not only this, but the priest actually endorsed my uncle’s tangent and, when he’d finished his ramble, said, “Yes, a lesson for all – if you don’t have Jesus in your heart, do it!”.

And here is where my major problem stands. Whenever someone tries to pull this shit on me, I always walk away thinking, “But why? Why should I?”. There’s never any reason given as to why I should accept Jesus into my life. Only that I should do it, and if I don’t I’m a “bad” person. I never say anything directly because, as I’ve said above, I have nothing against people’s religious beliefs – believe what you want to. But seriously, if someone hands you a pill and says, “Take this”, you don’t just do it, you ask, “Why?”. You need to have reasons for it, even if it’s something that only makes sense to you personally.

/end rant.

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Back into Normalcy

I’m hoping that this week is a time of starting a-fresh. Not necessarily forgetting, because I never want to forget my beautiful Nana and gorgeous Gran-Nan, but I need to get up and get back to the normal, mundane life. It’s funny how when something crazy like this happens, you wish so much for that boring life you had before. I will think twice before wishing for excitement within my life, and will make my wishes more specific because the last 2-3 weeks have been more than enough for this year.

Not only have these major events occurred, but my sister got major food poisoning on the day she was supposed to visit for my brother’s birthday, and my cousin was almost in a major car accident – if it hadn’t been for her swerving at the right moment, she probably would have been killed or at least severely injured.

I just need some “time out” from life right now – it’s all becoming so overwhelming – and while I know it’s difficult to not dwell on the rotten things that happen in life, sometimes you need to pay some attention to the shit that happens around you, because it makes appreciating those wonderful things that little bit easier. You never know what you’ve got till it’s gone, that kind of thing.

I thank the Gods for my family, my friends, and in some cases complete strangers who supported us though the events of the last couple of weeks. The energy field of love and support is so strong that I can literally feel it. Thank you.

Late night rambles, but you know – that’s what this site is for.

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Can I haz break nao, Universe?

Just when we thought we’d got over all the craziness, my great grandmother died today.

Yes she was 100 years old, she was healthy (despite being borderline deaf and mostly blind), but she was taken suddenly today.

It’s such a huge shock, and it probably wouldn’t have affected me so deeply if it hadn’t happened so close to everything else.

Wouldn’t it be great to be able to choose the time for these things? I guess we’re not given the ability to do that, since we’d probably never choose a time.

Rest in peace now, Gran-Nan. We’ll miss you xx

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Update

Sorry for the lack of recent updates – this whole week has been on a completely different track to the last few years so my mind’s a little fucked up.

Work has been kicking my ass lately. I’m getting sick of the fact that my boss doesn’t give two rat’s testicles about his employees. For example, when I left on Friday (because, you know, my GRANDMOTHER DIED), the first thing he asked our payroll lady was a) how long was I going to be away for, and b) what are my leave entitlements in relation to my grandmother passing away. What a fuckwit! How fucking insensitive can you be?!

Then my Dad has a heart attack on Sunday (which I’ll give you an update on in a sec, because that’s a post in it’s own right), I called on Monday (day of the funeral) to say that Dad has had a “massive” (the doctor’s words, not mine) heart attack and I’m not sure of how he’s going right now, and whether I’d be in on Tuesday. He said, “That’s fine, see you tomorrow” and hung up. FUCKWIT.

So anyway, I’m getting myself wound up. Dad went into hospital, as per last post, on Sunday 15th May. He had a stent put in his heart and was in the Intensive Care Unit for a couple of days, before they moved him to a regular ward since he no longer needed the ICU treatment. He was running a bit of a fever on the Wednesday, and obviously this means his body is fighting infection somewhere, so they put him on a drip with some antibiotics.
Well, of course his body is reacting differently at the moment, and he had a severe allergic reaction to the antibiotics, going into anaphylactic shock. He was on the phone to my Mum at the time and said, “Gosh, I don’t feel so good at the moment” – he was shaking all over and couldn’t control it. Mum told him to buzz the nurse, which he did three times before yelling out for help (all the while my Mum’s on the phone listening to all of this – can you imagine how you’d feel? I’d be sick..). They gave him a shot of adrenaline and then a steroid shot to balance everything out. He was fine after that but his muscles were all weak and he felt like he’d run a marathon.

He came home on Friday 20th, and it was so good to have him home. I said the whole time that he’d probably heal better being at home, getting rest, being in his own clothes (rather than the hospital gowns!) and in familiar surrounds. He’s still having a hard time getting around without being completely exhausted – just a walk from the lounge to the kitchen is an effort – but he’s on the road to recovery.

Thanks for all your support, guys – it means a lot to receive messages from around the world with notes of support and well-wishes, sometimes from people you don’t even know and definitely from people who didn’t/don’t know my Nana or my father. The online community, with its few exceptions (there are always a few exceptions!) is a wonderful thing to be a part of.

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