In August and September, I was helping to prepare, organise and enjoy the Australian Wiccan Conference – we had an absolute ball. It was an amazing energy with incredible people that I’ll never forget. Considering it was my first large gathering, included my first large ritual (ie more than 5-6 people) and my first national gathering, it was a real eye-opener for me, and a really emotional, spiritual experience. Loved every minute of it. The energy was just awesome.

So most weekends in August and the start of September was taken up with preparing decorations and small items for the Conference. I loved every minute of helping to organise the event and would do it again in a heartbeat.

My parents left for Europe on Saturday just been and it’s been really quite strange without them around already (it’s only been 4 days out of a 3-week trip!). I’m trying to keep an eye on my brother after last time without being too overbearing. I know that was over two years ago but I’m still not sure if he’s grown up much since then.

Unfortunately, at 2:00am Monday morning, Michael received a phone call that his Grandma had passed away. 2011 has not been a good year for us in terms of loss – I’ve lost more people close to me in the last 6 months than most people do in 5+ years. We’re not sure when the funeral will be, most likely next Monday or Tuesday, but that will mean a trip to Adelaide for Michael – we can’t both afford to go so just him and his sister will be attending.

So really, it’s been a hectic couple of months, hence my only posting now. Hopefully life will get back on track a little more and we can live some normalcy for a while. I’m trying to get in touch with myself again, spiritually. Finding it difficult to focus with everything going on but will try my best.

I’ve held off writing this post for sometime (almost a month) because I didn’t want to cause any tension. But, I figured it’s my blog, my opinions and I’ll say what I like.

I’ll preface this, though, by saying I have absolutely no issue with people’s religious and/or spiritual beliefs. I figure you should be able to do/believe/think what you want, as long as you’re not hurting anyone (including yourself). This goes for atheists/agnostics too. So please don’t take this personally if you’re a religious person – unless you’re someone who is doing this sort of thing on a daily basis. What’s “this”, you may ask? Here goes…

So my Nana’s funeral was almost a month ago, on the 16th May. I obviously attended, along with my family. The funeral was held at an Anglican church and, my Nana and her immediate family being Anglican, this made sense. I had no issue being in the church, as it was a reflection of my Nana and her wishes. Fine.

However, my Uncle, who is a minister and travels the world ‘spreading the gospel’, got up and said a few words about Nana and all that, etc. But then proceeded into a full-on preach session to the whole congregation, who were there to mourn the loss and celebrate the life of my Nana, not to be preached at. He went on about how he had Jesus and God in his head but not in his heart, until he went to to the Vietnam war and found Jesus there, and went on about if we don’t have Jesus in our hearts, then we should definitely turn to Him and embrace Him. Furthermore, he offered little cards full of information on how to accept Jesus into your life following the funeral.

W. T. F.

Firstly, I don’t like being preached to. This behaviour infuriates me. Fair enough, believe what you want to believe, but don’t shove your beliefs down my throat. I like to think I have a pretty solid foundation of my own ethical, moral and religious beliefs, and I don’t need someone else telling me how to think.

Secondly, this was not the time to be preaching to people – this was my Nana’s (his MOTHER’S) funeral, not a Sunday church congregation. I found it highly disrespectful to be using the lectern at a funeral as a podium for preaching the gospel, even if my Nana was a religious person.

Not only this, but the priest actually endorsed my uncle’s tangent and, when he’d finished his ramble, said, “Yes, a lesson for all – if you don’t have Jesus in your heart, do it!”.

And here is where my major problem stands. Whenever someone tries to pull this shit on me, I always walk away thinking, “But why? Why should I?”. There’s never any reason given as to why I should accept Jesus into my life. Only that I should do it, and if I don’t I’m a “bad” person. I never say anything directly because, as I’ve said above, I have nothing against people’s religious beliefs – believe what you want to. But seriously, if someone hands you a pill and says, “Take this”, you don’t just do it, you ask, “Why?”. You need to have reasons for it, even if it’s something that only makes sense to you personally.

/end rant.

Not only have these major events occurred, but my sister got major food poisoning on the day she was supposed to visit for my brother’s birthday, and my cousin was almost in a major car accident – if it hadn’t been for her swerving at the right moment, she probably would have been killed or at least severely injured.

I just need some “time out” from life right now – it’s all becoming so overwhelming – and while I know it’s difficult to not dwell on the rotten things that happen in life, sometimes you need to pay some attention to the shit that happens around you, because it makes appreciating those wonderful things that little bit easier. You never know what you’ve got till it’s gone, that kind of thing.

I thank the Gods for my family, my friends, and in some cases complete strangers who supported us though the events of the last couple of weeks. The energy field of love and support is so strong that I can literally feel it. Thank you.

Late night rambles, but you know – that’s what this site is for.

Yes she was 100 years old, she was healthy (despite being borderline deaf and mostly blind), but she was taken suddenly today.

It’s such a huge shock, and it probably wouldn’t have affected me so deeply if it hadn’t happened so close to everything else.

Wouldn’t it be great to be able to choose the time for these things? I guess we’re not given the ability to do that, since we’d probably never choose a time.

Rest in peace now, Gran-Nan. We’ll miss you xx

Work has been kicking my ass lately. I’m getting sick of the fact that my boss doesn’t give two rat’s testicles about his employees. For example, when I left on Friday (because, you know, my GRANDMOTHER DIED), the first thing he asked our payroll lady was a) how long was I going to be away for, and b) what are my leave entitlements in relation to my grandmother passing away. What a fuckwit! How fucking insensitive can you be?!

Then my Dad has a heart attack on Sunday (which I’ll give you an update on in a sec, because that’s a post in it’s own right), I called on Monday (day of the funeral) to say that Dad has had a “massive” (the doctor’s words, not mine) heart attack and I’m not sure of how he’s going right now, and whether I’d be in on Tuesday. He said, “That’s fine, see you tomorrow” and hung up. FUCKWIT.

So anyway, I’m getting myself wound up. Dad went into hospital, as per last post, on Sunday 15th May. He had a stent put in his heart and was in the Intensive Care Unit for a couple of days, before they moved him to a regular ward since he no longer needed the ICU treatment. He was running a bit of a fever on the Wednesday, and obviously this means his body is fighting infection somewhere, so they put him on a drip with some antibiotics.
Well, of course his body is reacting differently at the moment, and he had a severe allergic reaction to the antibiotics, going into anaphylactic shock. He was on the phone to my Mum at the time and said, “Gosh, I don’t feel so good at the moment” – he was shaking all over and couldn’t control it. Mum told him to buzz the nurse, which he did three times before yelling out for help (all the while my Mum’s on the phone listening to all of this – can you imagine how you’d feel? I’d be sick..). They gave him a shot of adrenaline and then a steroid shot to balance everything out. He was fine after that but his muscles were all weak and he felt like he’d run a marathon.

He came home on Friday 20th, and it was so good to have him home. I said the whole time that he’d probably heal better being at home, getting rest, being in his own clothes (rather than the hospital gowns!) and in familiar surrounds. He’s still having a hard time getting around without being completely exhausted – just a walk from the lounge to the kitchen is an effort – but he’s on the road to recovery.

Thanks for all your support, guys – it means a lot to receive messages from around the world with notes of support and well-wishes, sometimes from people you don’t even know and definitely from people who didn’t/don’t know my Nana or my father. The online community, with its few exceptions (there are always a few exceptions!) is a wonderful thing to be a part of.

I did.

My Nana’s gone. The stubborn, gorgeous, matriarch of my mum’s side of the family is gone. She passed at 9:00am this morning.

I feel… lost. I didn’t spend a heck of a lot of time with her, not like I know many others spend with their grandparents, but every birthday, Christmas and Easter, Mother’s/Father’s Day we’d spend with them. And now she’s gone.

I don’t know what to do next. I’m trying to be a support for my parents but in terms of actually doing anything, I don’t know. This is the first grandparent, first immediate family member that I’ve lost.

Thanks in advance for your support.

Nana – Rest in Peace. No more pain or suffering. We’ll miss you.

My Nana is on her way out, after many years of pain, suffering and heartache. She’s been too stubborn to go up till now, but today was the first time she’s mentioned death, and she was asking about everyone and telling my mum she was going to die.

My heart is in my throat and my stomach is in knots. While I know this had to happen at some point, I don’t know if I’m a hundred percent ready for this one right now – I’ve always seen my Nana as a strong woman, who never took any shit from anyone. She has been a real matriarch, and while I’ve seen her downturn over the last 5 or so years, I still didn’t expect this to happen now.

I went to see a psychic a few weeks ago, and she said the reason I’ve had so many people I know pass away in the last twelve months (4 funerals in 12 months is kind of rough) is because the Universe has seen I’m ready to handle it. I don’t know if I can handle this one…

2000
Age 12. In Grade 6, my final year of primary school. I remember I had a major crush on a guy in my class. Getting ready to head off to high school. Killing Heidi were (and still are) my favourite band. Started really getting involved with computers and webdesign.

2001
Age 13. My first year of high school. Felt awkward and out-of-place. Met some beautiful people, and some mean ones too. Discovered my real love for webdesign and got stuck into it. Had many high school crushes. Met my best friend (at the time), Sarah. Started wearing makeup. Achieved high grades and was awarded an Outstanding Academic Achievement award.

2002
Age 14. Barely remember it, but this is the year I started dance classes at school and fell in love with it. Discovered more friends and made my first male best friend. Got my site hosted for the very first time. Started learning how to use FTP. Achieved high grades and was awarded an Outstanding Academic Achievement award.

2003
Age 15. Fell madly in love with a guy I met online, only to be dumped and told he’d been cheating on me. In the interim, fell for another guy online (Michael) and met him in November. Lost the ‘V-Plates’. High school musical production, great fun and awesome experience. Achieved high grades and was awarded an Outstanding Academic Achievement award, along with three subject awards for Social Science, Dance and Media Studies. Passed Learner’s Permit test and started driving lessons with my mum and dad.

2004
Age 16. Final year of high school. Many trips back and forth to Melbourne to see Michael. Entered the Rock Eisteddfod Challenge with my dance class, and came fourth out of about 20 schools. Grades dropped a bit, enough to miss out on the OAA award for the fourth time. Didn’t care; was in love.

2005
Age 17. First year of college (Year 11). Had a ball this year – great classes, more relaxed learning atmosphere. Studied English, Maths, Psychology & Sociology, Environmental Science and Religion & Philosophy. Hated Enviro Science, and quit. Went to Vanuatu in September for Michael’s sister’s wedding. LOVED IT. Decided to move to Melbourne at the end of the year to be with Michael.

2006
Age 18. Living with Michael and his mum & stepdad. Enjoyed it, but a lot of tension at times. Studied Year 12 via distance education but gave up. Started looking for work. Got my first proper job with a government initiative for apprentices. Loved it. Bought Inspirata.org. First nephew arrived, Jonah. Got engaged on New Year’s Eve.

2007
Age 19. Continued working. Moved into our own apartment in April. Enjoyed the freedom but it was expensive. Got our first pet, Layla. Got my first and second tattoos.

2008
Age 20. Got another kitty to keep Layla company, and called him Hendrix. Went to my first arena concert to see Ozzy Osbourne. Came out of the broom closet. By June, decided we’d had enough of paying an exorbatant amount of rent and decided to move back to Tasmania. Got my third (and kind of fourth) tattoos. Packed up and left in August. Moved in with Mum & Dad to get us on our feet. Michael got a job at a printer cartridge store. I continued looking for work.

2009
Age 21. Huge party for my 21st, with friends coming down from Melbourne. Layla passed away. Cried. A lot. Moved into a rental. Bought Terri.nu Had two job interviews in May, and accepted one position as Legal Secretary. Started living a little, since we now had two incomes. Decided to get married with 5 months to plan. Married in November.

2010
Age 22. Managed to hold down my job for 12 months +. Lost a close family member to suicide. Moved out of the rental and bought our own house. Became DIY-lover. Resced Delilah. Continuing to work. Michael’s best mate got married. And … ?

So for reference, here are the posts about the bigger events that happened in 2009.

The New Place – moving back into our own space was excellent, after living for something like 9-10 months at my parents’ place. We’d lived together on our own before, so it wasn’t a particularly outstanding achievement or event in itself, but it was a regaining of our freedom and independence.

New Beginnings – moving to Terri.nu was a big change – I still use the name ‘Inspirata’ for my website design stuff, but I felt it was time to move to something bigger and better. Terri.nu was a domain name I’d wanted for a while – it’s me, of course, and my name isn’t changing any time soon! Again, not much to this event, but it was something I did that stood out this year.

The Wedding Post – and of course, the biggest thing that happened in 2009 was our wedding. What can I say but it’s the start of the next phase of our relationship, true commitment to each other. The happiest day of my life.

And that’s about it. I did get a job in 2009, as well, which I am grateful for. I didn’t listen to the radio at all, unless I was in the car with my parents. I watched far too much TV and spent too much time playing The Sims 2 & 3. I lost 8kg in 12 months without even trying.

We lost Layla in February, whom we miss dearly (RIP Mama-Puss), which was a real breaking point for me, since I loved her so much.

Thankfully, though, Layla was our only loss this year – I wish it could have gone without any losses, but I suppose when a person’s or animal’s time has come, there’s not much you can really do about it.

In general, 2009 wasn’t bad. But, bring on 2010!

I have applied for Youth Allowance (government assistance) whilst I’m studying, but it turns out I’m only eligible for $50 every 2 weeks because Michael earns too much – go figure. But I did put down a budget and worked out that if we were paying $130 a week rent (and there’s a place available for that right now), and adding in groceries, electricity, etc., we would be able to do it on his wage. If I were to get a part-time job, all the better.

Anyway, since talking about that kind of gets me a little antsy and irritable, I have also made my very first plans for celebrating Samhain this year. Samhain, for those of you who don’t know, is pronounced ‘Sow-ween’ and it is the Witches’ New Year, as well as a commemorative day of the departed, particularly those we have lost in the last 12 months. In the Northern Hemisphere, this is held on the 31st October (Halloween), but here in the Southern Hemisphere, it’s at the start of May. I will be going ‘camping’ (aka simply sleeping in a tent; there’ll be actual toilets and showers available) at a Pagan Alliance member’s house. It’s a fancy dress thing – gothic or emo dress – so I’m looking forward to that. What I’m not looking forward to is the drive down – it’s an almost 4 hour drive, which is a really long time to be sitting in a car, but I suppose it could be worse. But I’m really excited about that, since I’ve never been to an actual event for a Sabbat; I’ve only ever done my own thing.

We’re going to Melbourne for the Easter break (Friday 10th – Sun 12th) so I won’t be here then. Looking forward to catching up with my sister, my friends and Michael’s family.

Anyway, I think that pretty much catches you all up. Sorry if I don’t update here as often, since I’m doing school work too, I have to dedicate a lot of time to that.

Take care