I was inspired by Jess’s latest post to reassess my reason for having this site. I’ve paid enough money for it, but I rarely seem to even use it. I might drop in on my site every now, think that I should blog, and that’s as far as it gets. I should have some other purpose for this site, but then what more can I do on a site called ‘Terri.nu’?! It should be about me if my name is the domain name!
So I’ve decided that, like Jess I suppose, I’m going to try and write more purposefully on here. I want to draw on my experiences to try and bring some realisation to my life, some understanding and some purpose.
I don’t know if that makes sense many (or any) of you, but I think I know what I’m trying to say. I want a place – a sanctuary – to write out my thoughts, as profound or not as they may be, and to reflect on what I’m thinking about.
There might be some stuff mentioned here that’s TMI. So, sorry, but you’ve been warned.
1. I need to declutter my life. My house is so full of stuff – just stuff – that I don’t need or that isn’t organised. We’ve been in our house for almost two months and I still have numerous boxes to unpack. For the stuff we need to keep, I need to get shelves and such.
2. In relation to above point 1, I need to organise myself. Mentally and physically. No wonder I have such a hard time finding things when everything is such a mess. I need to downgrade, and put things away after using them. Everything needs a place, and if there’s no place for it, get rid of it.
3. I need to lose weight. I don’t mean fast and I don’t mean unhealthily – I am just sick of looking in the mirror and seeing fat rolls and huge thighs. I don’t want my thighs to rub together anymore. I want the freedom of wearing a skirt without the tops of my thighs chaffing.
4. I want money. I need to learn to put some aside, to save some. I’m so terrible when it comes to money – it’s like, I earn some, then think what an awesome job I’ve done, and go out to buy myself something. I’m then left with nothing again. If we want a family, I need to save money.
5. I need a sanctuary. A corner of a room with a comfy chair and bookshelves-galore where I can just chill and not worry about the mess (see points 1 & 2) that surrounds me.
6. I want more time for my Craft and my spirituality. I have always seen myself as a spiritual being, but the last year or so, I’ve felt very alone spiritually. I feel I’m not spreading my wings, grasping for more – I’m simply sitting stagnant. I’d love to be personally coming to some of the conclusions and realisations that, say, Jessica Mullen and Kelly Cree are coming to in their lives.
7. I want a better ‘personal’ life. Yes, I mean sex. It’s not terrible, but it could be better. I’m so tired most of the time that I can’t be bothered – another reason for me to lose weight – I want energy and drive. I feel bad when I’m not ‘up to it’. We’ve gone from 3, 4 sometimes 5 times a week to maybe that per month. Time to improve that area.
8. I need and want space. Being in a loving, wonderful relationship for so long (close to 7 years) has been an absolute blessing, but I need some time to myself sometimes. This is something Hubby doesn’t quite understand a lot of the time – he feels it’s me getting bored with him and any discussion about this sort of thing ends up in arguments. But I’m so independent in my nature that I need this breathing space. I’m an Aquarian!!! And there’s going to be less of a chance of this once we start trying for a baby, so I want this time while I can have it.
9. I want satisfaction. I want to be 99.9% satisfied and happy with what I have, and right now, I’m probably sitting at about 50%. And by what I have, I don’t mean material items. I want to be healthy, know where I’m headed in life, and happy with my current situation.
