Inspired by my dear friend Sarah, and after seeing this on a couple of other blogs, it caused me to reflect back on the last decade and see how much I’ve changed in what really is a relatively short amount of time. It still seems strange to me that I can even remember back ten years – I know that I’m 22 and that I was 12 then, but it still doesn’t seem right that I should be able to remember back that far. Anyway, here goes…

2000
Age 12. In Grade 6, my final year of primary school. I remember I had a major crush on a guy in my class. Getting ready to head off to high school. Killing Heidi were (and still are) my favourite band. Started really getting involved with computers and webdesign.

2001
Age 13. My first year of high school. Felt awkward and out-of-place. Met some beautiful people, and some mean ones too. Discovered my real love for webdesign and got stuck into it. Had many high school crushes. Met my best friend (at the time), Sarah. Started wearing makeup. Achieved high grades and was awarded an Outstanding Academic Achievement award.

2002
Age 14. Barely remember it, but this is the year I started dance classes at school and fell in love with it. Discovered more friends and made my first male best friend. Got my site hosted for the very first time. Started learning how to use FTP. Achieved high grades and was awarded an Outstanding Academic Achievement award.

2003
Age 15. Fell madly in love with a guy I met online, only to be dumped and told he’d been cheating on me. In the interim, fell for another guy online (Michael) and met him in November. Lost the ‘V-Plates’. High school musical production, great fun and awesome experience. Achieved high grades and was awarded an Outstanding Academic Achievement award, along with three subject awards for Social Science, Dance and Media Studies. Passed Learner’s Permit test and started driving lessons with my mum and dad.

2004
Age 16. Final year of high school. Many trips back and forth to Melbourne to see Michael. Entered the Rock Eisteddfod Challenge with my dance class, and came fourth out of about 20 schools. Grades dropped a bit, enough to miss out on the OAA award for the fourth time. Didn’t care; was in love.

2005
Age 17. First year of college (Year 11). Had a ball this year – great classes, more relaxed learning atmosphere. Studied English, Maths, Psychology & Sociology, Environmental Science and Religion & Philosophy. Hated Enviro Science, and quit. Went to Vanuatu in September for Michael’s sister’s wedding. LOVED IT. Decided to move to Melbourne at the end of the year to be with Michael.

2006
Age 18. Living with Michael and his mum & stepdad. Enjoyed it, but a lot of tension at times. Studied Year 12 via distance education but gave up. Started looking for work. Got my first proper job with a government initiative for apprentices. Loved it. Bought Inspirata.org. First nephew arrived, Jonah. Got engaged on New Year’s Eve.

2007
Age 19. Continued working. Moved into our own apartment in April. Enjoyed the freedom but it was expensive. Got our first pet, Layla. Got my first and second tattoos.

2008
Age 20. Got another kitty to keep Layla company, and called him Hendrix. Went to my first arena concert to see Ozzy Osbourne. Came out of the broom closet. By June, decided we’d had enough of paying an exorbatant amount of rent and decided to move back to Tasmania. Got my third (and kind of fourth) tattoos. Packed up and left in August. Moved in with Mum & Dad to get us on our feet. Michael got a job at a printer cartridge store. I continued looking for work.

2009
Age 21. Huge party for my 21st, with friends coming down from Melbourne. Layla passed away. Cried. A lot. Moved into a rental. Bought Terri.nu Had two job interviews in May, and accepted one position as Legal Secretary. Started living a little, since we now had two incomes. Decided to get married with 5 months to plan. Married in November.

2010
Age 22. Managed to hold down my job for 12 months +. Lost a close family member to suicide. Moved out of the rental and bought our own house. Became DIY-lover. Resced Delilah. Continuing to work. Michael’s best mate got married. And … ?

Slowly but surely, I’m starting to feel better. It’s been hard, and there’s still a way to go yet, but after talking with many people about it, and getting my feelings out, it’s getting easier to talk about her, to look at pictures of her, to do all that stuff.
Michael has been a huge support – he’s going through the same thing that I am, but is dealing with it, at least on the outside, a whole lot better than I have been, and he’s been there for me each step of the way.

Anyway, onto brighter topics. I went shopping yesterday, since I had two $50 gift cards for Kmart (well, one for $50, one for $43.95 since I spent some of it) and bought:

• Hot pink eyeliner
• White eyeliner
• Maybelline’s Define-A-Lash in Waterproof
• Blusher/Bronzer
• Four eyeshadows
• Eyeshadow palette

I also bought ‘Twilight’ – no, I haven’t read it already, so I’ve been desperately avoiding spoilers online. I’ve done pretty well so far, since I only know that it’s about a chick who meets this guy who’s a vampire. That’s all I know. I started reading it last night, and am up to Chapter 3 (they’re long chapters, aren’t they?!). I’m enjoying it so far, but it’s not ‘must-read’ to me just yet, or something I’d be recommending to people yet. Obviously, because I’m only up to Chapter 3.

Then today, I went out and bought a perfume (just a cheapy that states it’s comparable to Britney Spears’ Curious perfume), cat food, hair mousse, a lip gloss and some choccies and a card for Michael, since I didn’t give him anything for Valentine’s Day. I had Subway for lunch, which was good – nice to have something that tastes healthy.

As for my site, Inspirata hasn’t seen a lot of love really, so I did a little revamping around the place, adding some more subpages, separating stuff out a little more. Happy so far.

Aanndd I need to work on my other sites more. GeekWitch.org has not seen ANY love for a while, which is a shame because I love that site, and TasPagans, don’t even get me started there. I think I jumped into that project with too much hope that it would really take off. If we haven’t got a lot of traffic by the end of March, I reckon I’ll just redirect the URL to the Tas Pagan Alliance site. Make things easier.

Anyway, that’s enough for now.

Consider this Feb 12th post, even though I’m writing it at 1:23am on Feb 13th. It’s been one of those days.

If you’ve been following me on Twitter, you’ll probably know this already, but here goes (and I’m bound to cry while I write this so bear with me).
Layla was continuing to not eat this morning, nor was she interested in drinking any water. I got more worried, so I went around to the Vet’s (only 2-3 minute walk) and spoke to my vet, who offered some more of the laxative she’d given Layla before, to see if she was constipated again.
I brought this home and gave Layla a dose pretty much straight away. And she immediately threw it up. I thought maybe I did it too fast, gave it an hour or so, and tried again. She threw it up again. By this time, our electrician had come around and needed access to the cat’s room, so I took them both into our bedroom and she sat in a dark corner. I gave her some water by syringe, but eventually that, too, came up.
I was getting really upset by this point, so I called the vet and booked her in. I took her around there, and our usual vet had taken off for the day, so I had another vet look at her. This new vet, Lorraine, said she was very underweight and very dehydrated (two things I knew, as it was obvious; she wasn’t eating or drinking). She suggested putting her on an IV overnight then running some tests for her blood and to check her kidneys, to ensure they’re functioning properly. She broke my heart when she said, “If there is kidney failure, there’s not much we can do”. I managed to maintain composed while Layla was put back into her carry crate and the vet took her through to the back where the animals are. I left some contact details, walked home, and as soon as I stepped in the door I burst into tears. My mum gave me a hug, and I then went back to my room where Hendrix was and cuddled him for a while whilst bawling my eyes out. It is so heartbreaking for me to see my baby so skinny and knowing I can’t do anything about it except leave her with the vet. I know the vet’s is the best place for her right now, but I just hate being without her; she’s like a child to me and I don’t know what I’d do if anything happened to her. And goddamnit for this happening so close to one of the biggest celebrations of my life.

I hope she’s going to be ok. Like I said, I don’t know what I’d do without her. Some people might say it’s so stupid, it’s just a cat, but she’s such a huge part of my life.
My dad was a heartless ass tonight at dinner – I was upset, obviously, and he says something like, “Well, we all have to face the fact that everything dies”. I said, “Erm, she’s not dead yet, you insensitive bastard”, and then he says “Well, no, but she’s not well is she?”, and again (for the 5784759724th time today) burst into tears and stormed out. I was so mad – how the hell could he be so mean, when he knows how much I love her.

Anyway, I’m hoping for good news tomorrow when I call the vet’s to check in on her. I really would prefer me calling them, instead of them calling me – if they call me, it can’t be good news.

The only good thing out of today was the fact I got my new mobile phone, my birthday present from Michael – it’s really cute and I’ll take photos of it when my Flickr account is back in order. Everything else today has gone haywire; I’ve jammed my finger, ripped skin off my thumb, stubbed my toes – everything imaginable has gone wrong today. I hope tomorrow is better (although it’s Friday 13th – maybe it won’t go so well).